Dear Procartoonists …

May 14, 2012 in Comment, General

Dear Procartoonists_PCO -

Sir — Before you cartoonist johnnies start attacking those least able to defend themselves and who are presently enduring all manner of innuendo and slur at the hands of the leftist lackey Lord Leveson, I would ask you to take a moment to reflect upon the Great British Freedoms which are at stake here.

As I understand it, there is nothing in law to prevent a serving Prime Minister from nipping down the road in his pyjamas in the evening to call upon a flame-haired, female, similarly clad, fortysomething national newspaper editor.

I have it on good authority that there were others present. Suggestions that the two special branch officers on duty that night wore nighties is a vile calumny. In fact, both favoured silk loungers.

It is typical of our Prime Minister that he should seek to offer solace to those threatened by scurrilous rumour ; to exercise a lady’s horse in times of stress; and more recently, have her house swept for any incriminating audio-visual evidence.

I am,
Yours sincerely,
Sir Arthur Scrimmage (Col. Retd)
Glossop Open Prison

Delivered by Bill Stott


4 responses to Dear Procartoonists …

  1. Sir Arthur – Are you available to take part in a forthcoming ‘Question Time’ edition, coming from Glossop Free Trade Hall? Balance is vital on panel selection so please don’t overdo the Green Room imbibing prior to live recording.

    Sophie Ffitch-Fenlow
    Talking Bollocks Productions
    Soho WC1

  2. Mr Dredge,

    Sir Arthur is prebooked for the Save the Groat rally at the market square. 
    All welcome, including yourself, subject to possession of the appropriate papers.
    Margery Schmidt-Smith,
    Countrywoman for a Groater Britain
  3. Dear Sophie,

    You may have noticed that Sir Arthur is openly incarcerated, under which circumstances I am available for that Question Time panel.  Being extremely Left of wing, I am totally in tune with the changing political mood in Europe (apart from the extremely Right mood) and I am in totally favour of growth. I have always wanted to be taller.
    (Name and address supplied)
  4. To Whom it May Concern,

                                                   The allegedly jocular comments above serve only to show a total lack of editorial awareness of the present situation. Why, the trumped – up charges against my good self – giving the nod on a few paltry shares to a chum – seem now to pale into insignificance when set against what has happened to the aforementioned flame – haired female etc.,etc.

                                                     People of my class and rank have long been accustomed to slings and arrows hurled by arrivistes, but it is obvious to me that the system is presently in the process of imploding. The flame – haired female etc.,etc., is not of noble birth. The Police personnel who have hounded her to the Prison’s Gate and who were so recently in her pay are of even more doubtful pedigree.There is clear and present danger here. If the oiks are doing it to each other, no-one is safe.

                                                    My thanks to Miss Ffitch-Fenlow [the Bona Magna Ffitch-Fenlows ?] for her kind invitation and the opportunity to put many matters straight. I shall attend the “Question Time” event – which I take to be some sort of television programme – escorted by Prison Officer Len Bracewell, who you may regard as a type of batman.

    I am etc etc

    Sir Arthur Scrimmage [Col. retd.]

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