© Bill Stott @ Procartoonists.org

“ OK. Ideas. Royal Progress. Any? Toby. Yes?”

“Well, erm, they’re both well, erm, getting on a bit, yeah?”

“We know that Toby – ergo the Diamond bit in Jubilee. ”

“Yes, well, erm, I thought that, well, and I mean, well, perish the thought … ”

“That’s four wells Toby.”

“Gosh, sorry, yes, erm, I thought we could get ‘em on a sort of barge thing on the river.”

“Hmmm. Barge, river, yes, good, good. Didn’t the other Elizabeth do this? We’re listening Tobes”

“Erm, well, sorry, but if anything sort of untoward happens, like the, erm, you know, the dying thing, well, they’d be too far away from the bank for anybody to notice. Need strapping in, of course. Maybe a bit of string to keep the old hand waving.”

“Toby, that is mega, and I mean mega! Jocasta! Miles! Make it so! Barge on the river! Brilliant! And if the worst happens, we could have a burial at sea! How bloody royal is THAT? Head of THE maritime nation! Slumbering in the deep! God, this knocks the Falklands into a cocked hat! Get Dave on the blower and tell him he’s safe for another term!”